Caveman Dave
by Kurtofsky mpreg
Summary: Finn and Puck find something interesting in Puck's back yard. Now with the help of Finn's step brother Kurt they most take care of and teach a caveman. Warning: Kurtofsky, other pairings not yet decided, mpreg at some point
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any characters in Glee. I also don't own the 1992 movie "Encino Man" from which I got the idea for this story. It's not going to be exactly like "Encino Man" through.

I hope you'll enjoy it. Please leave comments. I love ones about how I can improve as a writer but if you don't have anything to say in a nice way than please leave it to your shelve.

Chapter 1

It was a Saturday morning and Finn didn't want to leave his warm, comfortable bed for anything until 1 but faith had different plans as his mohawked best friend, Puck, burst into his room. Without even trying to wake him a nicer way Puck pushed him off his bed.

"Dude! Wake up, you need to see what I found!" Puck yelled as Finn slowly and lazily sat up. He rubbed his eyes and looked at that his friend who had a wide Cheshire cat grin on his face.

"Why did you do that?" Finn asked his friend as he walked over to his dresser and put on a clean clothes.

"I found something amazing Finn, we're going to be famous!" Puck pushed his friend out the door and into his car where he drove, faster than the speed limit, them to his house.

"I thought you said you had something amazing to show me."

"It's in my back yard," Puck said. He got out of his car and ran into his home before Finn had got his seatbelt off. Finn shook his head and followed his friend into the faded, blue painted house. They went through the living room, where Puck's little sister was watching cartoons in her Frozen P.J.s, and the kitchen to get to the backyard. Puck's yard was always full of brown, dead grass as well as dirt and toys his sister didn't feel like bringing back in the house at a point in time but now there was a newly made huge, deep hole in the center of the backyard.

"Dude…what's with the hole?" Finn asked pointing naively at it.

"I decided I was going to make a swimming pool," Puck answered as he jumped down into the hole. Finn got to the edge of the hole but didn't go in," But as I was digging out a hole for the pool…I found…well I found him."

Puck pointed at something in front of him and Finn had to walk to the other side to see what Puck meant. He stopped dead in his traces when he finally saw what Puck was pointing at. There in the one side of the hole, the closes to the door, was a big block of ice with a big guy with dark long hair, a longish beard and some kind of furry outfit.

Finn looked at Puck," Is he a…"

"A caveman? " Puck nodded," I think so. Come and help me dig around the ice."

"We're going to be rich!" Finn yelled as he jumped into the hole.

"I know! And guess what!" Puck said handing Finn a shovel and they both begin to try and get him out.

"He's melting. All we need to do is make sure he doesn't get damaged when his body is finally out of the ice!"

"Alright!" Finn shouted happily," How'd you think he got here?"

"Who knows?" Puck shrugged.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any characters in Glee. I also don't own the 1992 movie "Encino Man" from which I got the idea for this story. It's not going to be exactly like "Encino Man" through.

I don't think this is one of the best chapters I've written but I hope you'll still enjoy it.

Please leave comments. I love ones about how I can improve as a writer but if you don't have anything to say in a nice way than please leave it to your shelve.

Chapter 2

It was long ago when the early form of Homo sapiens roamed the earth there was a nomadic tribe. The tribe was led by a big, fearful man who took from many of his people just to please his spoiled daughter. If someone wore fur that she liked her father would make them give it to her or he'd kill them. He'd let his people starve just so she'd get all the best food and if anyone ever went against him would find themselves at the short end of the spear. He cared for no one but his daughter.

The leader's daughter was very beautiful with her long, brownish hair, big brown eyes, and light olive skin but very cold and spoiled. While many men in the tribe loved to look at her, they were too petrified to try and make her their mate. They didn't want to anger the leader, they knew how ruthless he can be when it came to all things involving his prized daughter.

The leader's daughter had only one friend who was willing to hang out with her. He was big and strong, one of the best hunters in the tribe. He would make anyone a fine mate as many of the other women thought. They dreamed about being able to run their hands through his long locks of dark brown hair, what his beard would feel like on their faces if they kissed him, or how it would be if they became his mate. Because no one wanted to be the mate to the leader's daughter she decided she will have her only friend as a mate. She let her father know of the plan and he decided to let the hunter have his beloved daughter but there was one problem, the great hunter wasn't interested in the leader's daughter or any of the females in the tribe. He liked men more, he enjoyed the company of the ones who stayed behind on hunts and did what most of the other women did.

It was after a hunt when they took down a great amount of game. The hunter was relaxing with one of his other female friends, who was a huntress, when the leader came to him and let the hunter know that he was to become the mate to his daughter. The hunter shook his head no and angered the leader for the hunter wouldn't do as the leader wanted. The leader attacked the hunter and managed to knock the hunter to the ground. With the hunter on the ground the leader decided he wasn't going to let the hunter live. He took a spear from the huntress and aimed it at the hunter's heart but before he could thrust the spear into the hunter it was taken from his hands. The leader turned to whoever took the spear and found it was the hunter's father, an older likeness of his son both in appearance and hunting stills. The hunter's father knocked the leader out and helped his son up. They quickly found the hunter's mother and packed up their stuff but while they were doing this the leader came to and gave instructions to all of the tribe to attack the hunter's family. They did what they were told and threw rocks, spears, anything they had at their friends while others decided to kick, bite, and beat on the family as they tried to get away. The family were split apart in groups to take the punishment separately as the leader and his daughter watched in hopes of the hunter and his family's death but the hunter and his father were able to get out of their little groups of abuse. They worked against those hurting the hunter's mother to pull her out. She was weak and needed to be carried so her husband carried on his back as they ran from the tribe. The hunter ran one way as his parents went the other, old friends who meant to harm them followed. They followed the great hunter they once respected and dreamed about to a cave where they planned to kill him but were stopped when earth began to shake and they ran from the cave, leaving the hunter alone as he was surrounded by ice and snow. That's the last thing the great hunter remembered.


	3. Chapter 3

I'd like to give thanks to GarethGlee14 and umbrella0326 for commenting.

To umbrella0326, I'd like to thank you again for the helpful hints for improving my writing, I'll try to put them to use.

I believe you also had a question about if any of the characters, besides Dave, in Chapter 2 were any of the existing 'Glee' characters. No I thought about it, really thought hard about making Santana the leader's daughter than I really thought harder about making her the huntress, but decided not to. I will say I may make Santana the descendant of the huntress and look exactly like her or I may not. That's why the huntress wasn't really described in the last chapter because I wasn't sure how I want draw a connection between the huntress and Santana but there will be some kind of connection. One thing I know for sure is that Kurt is the descendant of the leader and the leader's daughter. I know it and now you know it but the characters in the story will never know it. It doesn't really matter to the story, just thought it'd be a fun fact to share.

I'm sorry to have written so much in this reply, I only meant to say a couple things but anyways…take it always disclaimer!

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any characters in Glee. I also don't own the 1992 movie "Encino Man" from which I got the idea for this story. It's not going to be exactly like "Encino Man" through.

I hope you'll enjoy it. Please leave comments. I love ones about how I can improve as a writer but if you don't have anything to say in a nice way than please leave it to your shelve.

Chapter 3

They worked for hours working to get the caveman out until he finally melted enough to get him out. Puck took a couple pictures before Finn carefully pulled the guy out while Puck videotaped the whole thing.

The caveman was just as heavy as he looked and Finn almost fell over trying to hold him upright," A little help here!"

Puck rolled his eyes before putting away his phone and helping Finn gently pull the body out of the hole and setting it on the flat ground it the backyard. He took more pictures of the body than he turned to Finn," Do you think they'd want the spear he came with?"

"Probably."

Puck signed and jumped down into the hole to grab the spear while Finn watched with his back turned to the caveman. He didn't notice the caveman's legs move or his arms twitch but he did turn when he heard an angry growl and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw the cavemen's eye blank open rapidly several times.

"Uhm…Puck?" Finn called out softly not taking his eyes off the caveman who brought his hand up to his face to rub out the sleepiness in his eyes. Hearing Finn's voice the caveman sat up and stared at him.

"What dude?" Puck asked trying to get the spear out with a shovel of the ice but couldn't because it was still a couple feet embedded in the ice.

"He's alive!"

Puck chuckled," Nice one man."

"No, I'm serious!" Finn yelled staring at the caveman who slowly got up.

Puck shook his head and gave up on the spear for now. He climbed out of the hole with a remark ready to go but froze when he saw the caveman," You weren't…kidding."

The caveman cocked his head to one side. Finn and Puck copied him. After a second of staring at each other the caveman took an easy, gentle step forward in his fur covered boots.

"Maybe he likes us?" Puck guessed. Finn nodded. They slowly took a step towards him.

The caveman, feeling threatened, growled furiously at them than started to run at them. They both screamed like girls as he pushed them down into the hole. He begin to stalk around the hole with dark eyes daring them to try and get out.

"He's going to kill us!" Puck yelled while rubbing his head.

Finn nodded, "Thanks for dragging me into this dude, I could have been in my bed safe and sound right now but noooooooo you had to go and find a caveman!"

"You're blaming me for this? I thought he was dead!"

"Well he isn't!" Finn pointed to the caveman who continued to circle them like they were prey.

Puck picked up a shovel and the caveman crouched down lowly with interest to see what the funny man with threatening hair was planning. Finn begin to shake a little out of fear. Puck swung the shovel around while the caveman jumped up before returning to his crouching position with a loud howl that would scare any dog.

Finn couldn't help but pee a little," I don't think he liked that Puck."

Puck shrugged and swung the shovel again with an arrogant grin. This time the caveman took something from his brownish furry belt and aimed it at Puck. Luckily for Puck it missed him and became planted in the ground beside him. Puck and Finn stared it for a moment before Finn began to point at it and scream," It's a knife! It's a knife! We're going to die! He's going to skin us!"

Puck dropped the shovel and held his hands it the air, "I put it down! See, no reason to throw anything else."

The caveman chuckled at the two men. He heard something coming out of the strange hut and looked away from his captives to see a smallest, cleanse child walk into the backyard. The child smiled at him and he couldn't help but smile back.

Puck and Finn had no idea that Puck's sister was in the backyard until they heard her ask the caveman where her brother was. As soon as they heard Sarah's voice they forgot their fears and quickly climbed out of the hole. Sarah smiled at her brother who quickly pulled her behind him and stood in cautious manner with Finn holding a shovel hostilely at the caveman. The caveman happily nodded at them before bringing them into a bone crushing hug for they couldn't be bad people if they were willing to protect a youngling.

Finn and Puck shared a strange look before returning his hug. Sarah giggled and ran back into the house. It took a couple minutes but they were able to get the caveman in the house as well. They all sat around Puck's kitchen table. Sarah ate her lunch while she watched the caveman draw on the table with her crayons.

"What are we going to do Finn, I can't keep a living caveman here," Puck told his friend," It's too dangerous with Sarah around."

"We could keep him at my house," Finn suggested, "Mom and Burt love it when you guys stay over. They probably wouldn't mind housing him."

"You sure?"

Finn nodded," We just need to make him look like he isn't from the Stone Age and we can probably use Kurt's stuff to do it."

"Okay but what about his speaking problem?" Puck wondered.

Sarah looked up at her brother," You could always tell them he was in a bad accident and suffered some brain damage. It'll give you guys sometime to teach him how to talk."

"Why would we do that?" Puck asked his sister, "We plan to sell him to the highest paying museum."

Sarah's face got red as she bit her lip and threw her sandwich at her brother which got him right in the head," You can't do that! He's a human being!"

The caveman worriedly looked between the siblings before looking at Finn in a questioning manner. Finn smiled reassuring at him and patted his back," She has a point Puck, we can't sell him now. It just wouldn't be right."

Puck opened his mouth to protest but closed it and shook his head," Whatever man, you're the one who's going to live with him."

They decided that Sarah would stay the night at a friend's house while they spent the night at Finn's place getting the caveman used to his new surroundings. Getting the caveman into the car was easier than you'd think and he seemed to like it when the car was in motion. After dropping Sarah off at her friend's they headed over to Finn's house where no one was home. Finn let them in and ran down to Kurt's room to get the supplies they needed.

Puck led the Caveman into Finn's private bathroom. Finn's bathroom was a simple blue color some posters of football on the wall. The Caveman looked around with mild interest at all the normal bathroom utensils until he zoned in on the roll of toilet paper. He picked it up, before Puck could stop him, and sniffed it. He didn't really get a smell out of it so he started to shake it and managed to unroll the whole thing.

"Ok, I think that's enough," Puck took the toilet paper from the Caveman. He set it on the corner next to the sink. He got the Caveman to seat on toilet while he took a good look at him. His long hair had a few braids in it and his beard has never been groomed. His body was covered in fur clothing, dirt, and strange tattoos that probably meant something to his tribe. There were also places where small cuts and bruises had formed

Puck sat down on the plain tub across from the Caveman," You're going to need a shower."

Finn came in with a big red basket of stuff. He sat it all down before turning to Puck," I got the stuff. What should we do first?"

"A shower. It'll get him clean up, we should also wash his hair to."

Finn nodded," Okay than…I'll just step out while you undress him."

Puck stood up and looked up in disbelief," I'm sorry…I do what?

"Get the caveman out of his clothes?"

"No. Noooo…no, you wanted the Caveman to live with you so you should strip him." Puck said pushing Finn a little.

"I…can't."

"Why don't?"

Finn shrugged," I've never undressed another man before."

Puck tensed a little," Oh and I have?!"

"No," Finn answered," But you have undressed others, I've only ever stripped myself. Plus he's a caveman!"

"Yeah I noticed, what's your point?" Puck asked patting the Caveman's head which earned him a dirty, threatening look.

"What if he takes it the wrong way and tries to kill me…or worst…he thinks I'm coming on to him?"

Puck stroked his chin in thought," We could wait for Kurt to come home and he can undress the Caveman."

Finn shook his head," No he already has enough trouble at school for just trying to use the restroom…he doesn't need stuff like that here."

"I guess we could work together to get his clothes off than," Puck suggested.

Finn nodded, "But how?"

They thought for bit while the Caveman watched them with fading interest until Finn jumped with his pointer finger in the air.

"We could shower with him…like in the locker room."

Puck backed away from Finn a little," First you wanted me to undress him now you want me to shower with him."

Finn nodded and Puck signed trying to think of any better ideas but couldn't.

"How are we going to get him naked through?" Puck asked.

"I thought we could start to undress and hope that he'd copy us."

Puck shrugged and they started undressing. First the Caveman only looked at them with confusion before finally realizing what they were doing and started to do what they were. Puck and Finn signed in joy that Finn's plan worked. They tried not to look at the now nude Caveman but curiosity got the best of Puck. The rest of the Caveman's body was just as dirty and bruised was as the parts they already seen and in some places had little brownish hairs like his chest. Pucks eyes got wide as he finally got to the lower put of the Caveman. He coughed and tapped Finn shoulder, "Now we know that Cavemen were hung like horses."

"What?" Finn asked before turning to the Caveman, "Wow…he must have ruined many Cavewomen."

Puck nodded," He was probably the most popular Caveman in his time."

"Is it weird that we haven't stopped looking at his dick?"

"No, I just see it as important scientific information."

Finn shrugged and turned on the shower. The Caveman, scared by the sound the shower made, shot up and started to throw things around while making pained growling sounds. Finn quickly turned the shower off which got the Caveman to stop.

Puck looked at Finn for new plan. Finn shrugged before stopper for the tub drain and turned on the bathtub faucet. The Caveman liked that sound better, it reminded him of all the waterfalls he swam under. Finn grabbed a big, clear, roundish bottle with a pinkish solution in it from the red basket and with an unsure smile he turned to his friend," I also grabbed bubble bath."


	4. Chapter 4

I'd to give a special thanks to GarethGlee14, umbrella0326, Little Horrible Ghost Childe, and martyrinthemaking for commenting. All your comments made my day.

Author's apology: I'm sorry it took me so long update but my life was a little busier than I thought it would be. Now that things have wined down a little I'll try to update at least twice a month, can't make any promises through.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any characters in Glee. I also don't own the 1992 movie "Encino Man" from which I got the idea for this story. It's not going to be exactly like "Encino Man" through.

I don't think this is one of the best chapters I've written but I hope you'll still enjoy it.

Please leave comments. I love ones about how I can improve as a writer but if you don't have anything to say in a nice way than please leave it to your shelve.

Chapter 4

Finn didn't know how much they really needed so he ended up using the whole bottle of bubble bath with the thought of, "Hopefully Kurt will understand."

The caveman was fixated on the bubbles as they formed in the bathtub. They reminded him of those orbs of whiteness in the daylight sky. He curiously reached out and stuck his hand into the continual rising element. He squealed with excitement when he felt the moist, softness of it all and pulled his hand out to show his new friends whom he believed to be powerful healers or sorcerers.

Finn chuckled a little," You like the bubbles dude?"

Puck decided the bathtub was full and turned off the faucet ignoring the sounds the caveman made in protest," Can we get this over with, I'm starting to get uncomfortable with you guys."

"Okay, "Finn replied,"Uhmm…do you want get in first or should I?"

Puck shrugged and carefully stepped into the tub. He slowly sat down on the left side of the tub.

Finn nodded a little and copied Puck, avoiding eye contact with either of the other guys. He sat down on the opposite side so the caveman would have to sit in the middle of them both.

They both turned to look at the caveman in hopes that he'd just copy what they did. He just stared at them both before shoving the hand with the bubbles on it into Finn's face.

Puck laughed as Finn awkwardly pushed his face always from the caveman's hand, "Yeah those are bubbles."

He pushed the caveman's hand away and sighed before lightly banging his head against the tub," How are we going to get him into the tub?"

"He likes the bubbles," Puck stated and Finn gave him the "seriously man, I already know that" look.

"So?!"

"Soooo, here's something I learned from having a younger sibling," Puck turned to the caveman," Hey, I just love playing with bubbles."

Puck began play with the bubbles: making shapes, blowing it into different directions and throwing it into the air. The caveman watched the weird haired man in amazement and reached out again to grab more of the bubbles from the tub but Puck smacked his hand away, "Nope, no more bubbles for you until you join us."

"How is he supposed to understand you?"

Puck shrugged and pushed the bubbles in Finn's direction, "Don't know, just play with the bubbles until he jumps in. They learned that cavemen aren't very patient because it wasn't long that the caveman joined them.

The caveman gave out a joyful noise as he settled down between his new friends. Finn's tub wasn't made to hold three people at the same time so Puck and Finn found themselves a little bit jam-packed, especially since no one probably told the caveman about personal space and sharing room. They shifted around until they each found a position they were comfortable in and grabbed a bar of soap from the basket.

They went to work scrubbing the "who knows how long" dirt, paint, and dried blood off the caveman's chest, arms, and face. The boys had the same goal in mind, "If I finish first than the other guy will have to clean the caveman's lower part."

The caveman resisted at first because they were making his markings disappear and he worked so hard to get each of those tribal markings, he'd have to start all over again. Then he remembered how things ended with his old pack and decided to stop fighting, they were obviously trying to make him one of their pack and he'd probably get new markings from them anyways.

Puck finished first and violently threw the soap into the brownish water. By that time most of the bubbles had dissolved and any that were left matched the water in color.

"Finished!" Puck yelled causing the two others to jump a little. Puck pointed at Finn," You have to wash his lower regions now!"

Finn shook his head and finished cleaning whatever he had left of the caveman's upper body before answering Puck," Fine…just don't tell anyone I touched caveman wiener."

"Oh yeah, like I want anyone to know about this," Puck responded," Just make it quick, I want to get out of this dirty water and into some clothes than pretend the whole last hour didn't happen!"

"Like I don't!" Finn huffed. The caveman looked between his new friends with interest, trying to figure out what they were doing. Finn's hands shook as he stuck his hand under the unclear, brownish water in search for the caveman's wiener.

"Dude if you grab my dick by mistake I'll kick your ass," Puck said more humorously than threateningly.

"Not helping!"

Finn finally found the caveman's dick and with a little courage, grabbed it but that's the last thing he remembers because right after that the caveman smashed Finn's head into Puck's and they both passed out for a while.

While they were passed out Kurt and his friend, Sebastian, decided it was time to return to Kurt's house after hours of shopping. They were unaware of the very naked caveman stalking them as they moved throughout the house to the kitchen.

"Aren't you going to call out to Finn?" Sebastian asked grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

"It's Saturday, he's probably still asleep," Kurt answered setting his bags on the counter. Sebastian sat himself right next to them.

"It's almost 3."

"There was a time when he slept until 7 pm," Kurt shrugged.

"Seriously?" Sebastian asked doubtfully.

Kurt nodded and went to grab himself a water. He didn't see the naked caveman appear in the kitchen doorway but Sebastian did. His jaw dropped and he lost his voice for a second but with a little awkward cough he found it," I don't know if I should be scared or aroused."

Kurt looked back at his friend questionably. Sebastian pointed to the naked man. Kurt's eyes went wide and he too forgot to speak for a moment. The strange, long haired naked man standing it the doorway that connects the kitchen to the dining room looked them both over before deciding to just stare at Kurt in a creepy manner with dark, clouded eyes.

"I know that look," Sebastian whispered to his friend," He wants you."

"Shut up," Kurt hissed at him before yelling at the stranger," Who are you?!"

The man cocked his head to the one side. Kurt grabbed his phone and Sebastian, realizing he stood be scared, stood up behind him," Answer me or I'm calling the police!"

When he didn't get a response Kurt started to dial the right number but didn't get to finish because Sebastian started shaking his right arm while yelling," He's coming toward us! Do something!"

And Kurt did, he threw his cell phone at the stranger but that didn't stop the nude man. They slowly backed up as the guy walked toward them, his hands in the air.

"What do we do?" Sebastian inquired in a worried, hushed tone.

"Uhmm," Kurt looked around and sighed in relief that someone left an unused pan on the stove. He grabbed it," I'll use this as a weapon and first change we get…run upstairs to Finn's room."

Sebastian nodded and Kurt held the pan in front of them defensively. Kurt gave the man one last warning," Come closer and I'll knock you out with this pan!"

The man seemed to understand then. He stopped where he was and started pointing at the celling than at his cock. He didn't utter a word but he did make panicked growling sounds.

Kurt and Sebastian shared a confused look before Kurt asked," What is he trying to tell us?"

"Don't know, something with up and dick," Sebastian answered. " Kurt I don't think he knows how to speak."

Kurt nodded in agreement. He was about to put the pan when the man came forward and tried to grab him. Kurt panicked and with one good swing, hit the stranger in the face. The man fell down with a pained whimper. Kurt wasted no time, he grabbed Sebastian's hand and ran the fastest he's ever ran.

They made it to Finn's room quicker than they thought. Quickly they opened the door, shut it, and then locked it. Kurt turned around to wake Finn up but found Finn's bed unmade and empty.

"No!" Kurt yelled before turning to his friend," Please tell me you didn't forget your phone in my car again."

Sebastian rubbed the back of his end nervously because he did in fact leave his phone in Kurt's car again,"…Sorry?"

"We're doomed." Kurt said helplessly as he slit down Finn's door.

"I going to use the Finn's bathroom, I almost peed myself," Sebastian told his friend. He walked into the bathroom and had second thoughts about using it. Kurt told him Finn was messy but he didn't think the football player was that messy.

Toilet paper was unrolled and all over the place. The posters, that were supposed to be hanging on the wall, were laying on the floor soaked in water. Shaving cream and tooth paste were smeared on the walls in little cave-like drawings on animals. Tubes of lotions and bottles of hair products were open left carelessly on the floor to spill out. Clothes and towels were thrown all over the place.

The fur clothing caught Sebastian's eye. He picked it up to show Kurt and turned around to do so finally looking at the tub. He took in the dirty water and the two naked guy with a chuckle, "Kurt! Come in here!"

Kurt ran in and froze when he saw the tub," Oh my god!"

Finn and Puck awoke with start. They took in the state of the bathroom before they looked at Kurt and Sebastian. Finn anxiously looked at his brother with an uneasy, faked smile," Hey Kurt, uhmmm…what brings you to my…bathroom?"

Puck snickered," Smooth man, real smooth."

"What happened Finn?! Kurt yelled.

Finn nervously searched for the right words," Uhm…well…you see…we…uhmmm"

Puck shook his head at his friend," Finn touched caveman dick!"

"I guess that's what that crazy naked guy was trying to tell us!" Sebastian said between fits of laugher that stopped once they heard something trying to get into Finn's bedroom.


End file.
